So quick update.
As of now, I am definitely back, and it feels quite nice. Great, actually, and it only took about two months haha (well…more like a month. the second month was kind of just transitioning)
Definitely very much unstable as always. Always going to worry, but worrying about the right things now.
This is just too much. whiteoakstakewhy! It’s so sad how much they love and hate each other at the same time. (my favorite siblings)
I think I’m back. I like to think I am, which probably means I’m not quite yet, but I’m getting pretty close. I do like who I am now though. And I don’t think it’s that I necessarily changed over the last couple years. I have changed, but it’s really bits and pieces here and there. I think I’ve just learned to love some of the chaos that comes with the insecurities. But I’m still me. Neurotic, and all. I still worry about everything and nothing, or worrying about not worrying.
This makes no sense. cents. it makes dollars.
You know what I’ve noticed? I tend to draw a lot when my life goes to shit. Hahaha okay okay..well I did. Now it’s just something that relaxes me, which is nice when you’re in the process of all this. You know what else I’ve noticed? It’s the hardest thing putting yourself back together. It’s happening though! Slowly but surely. But it’s nice because you develop this certain attitude that helps you decipher the things not worth your time and the things you deserve. Which is really nice because you can just say a big “fuck you” to everything you use to put up with. Oh, and you get in touch with your creative side :)
Oh btw, I watched Her two days ago and it was amazing. If you haven’t watched it, you should. It’s a really bizarre and weird story about a guy who falls in love with an operating system. It’s crazy and plain weird, but I wanna be so in love like that one day. Because you’re watching the movie and at first it just seems strange because she’s a computer and doesn’t have a physical body. But you see he’s not in love with the idea of being with someone (which most people are nowadays), but he’s actually in love with her.
Oh! and one more thing. The video game character in the movie is the BEST. hahahahaha
When I need rupees they give me hearts. When I need hearts they give me rupees. LOL…. OTL
You have to marry one of the two: a person who wears a mask 24/7 and if you ever try to take it off or take a peek..he kills you. OR a person who speaks perfectly normal to everybody, but to you, they are mute and can only nod yes or no (and cannot write on a board to convey their feelings).
I chose the guy with a mask.
Oh, and she just added another contender: a person who has their back turned to you every time you talk to them. You will never see their face. All you will ever see is him turning around. EVERY time. Can you imagine wedding vows? hahaha
still chose the guy with a mask.
You know what sucks?
Being mad at people who are such big parts of your life.. Because you love them in your life just not when ugh! It’s frustrating! You’re conflicted with just giving in and pulling a lame joke to make everything all better…with being stubborn and being the worst person to them (okay never a good thing to do but you make dumb choices when you’re angry). And you wanna say something about it but you can’t and it’s over with and it wouldn’t matter because you just waited super long and it’s just ugh! Overall very frustrating. Because you want to be angry. Because you know you deserve to be angry. But you miss them being there when they’re not all ugh and bleghh. And then you’re not sure if you wanna be angry. But then they say something and it’s like…that’s all you have to say to me?
And this concludes the rambles of this night’s tangent.
Oh wait but you know what would suck more?
Being in the shower when the power goes out. Because you’re naked and now in the dark. Like that is the worst.